# How to Recognise Unhelpful Thinking Patterns
Have you ever made a small mistake and immediately thought, “I always get things wrong”?
Or received a short reply to a message and wondered, “Have I upset them?”
Perhaps something went well, but instead of enjoying it, you found yourself thinking, “I was just lucky.”
We all interpret situations through our own thoughts, assumptions and experiences. Most of the time, we don't even notice ourselves doing it.
But sometimes our thinking falls into familiar patterns that make situations seem more threatening, negative or hopeless than they really are.
In Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), these are often called unhelpful thinking patterns or cognitive distortions.
Learning to recognise them can help you create a little distance between what happened and what your mind tells you it means.
Thoughts aren't always facts
Imagine walking into work and saying hello to a colleague.
They barely respond.
You might think:
“They're annoyed with me.”
That thought may immediately affect how you feel. Perhaps you become anxious and start wondering what you have done wrong.
But what do you actually know?
You know that your colleague didn't respond as they normally would.
You don't yet know why.
They might be upset with you. But they could also be distracted, tired, worried about something, running late or simply not have heard you properly.
Our brains constantly fill in missing information.
The problem begins when we treat those interpretations as facts without noticing that other explanations are possible.
Why do we develop thinking patterns?
Our brains are designed to make quick judgements.
Rather than analysing every situation from the beginning, we use previous experiences, assumptions and mental shortcuts to understand what is happening.
This is often useful.
But those shortcuts can sometimes become biased, particularly when we are anxious, stressed, upset or feeling low.
Past experiences can also influence what we expect.
If you have experienced criticism repeatedly, for example, you may become particularly alert to signs that somebody is judging you.
The aim isn't to stop having automatic thoughts. That's unrealistic.
Instead, CBT helps us become better at noticing them and deciding how much weight to give them.
Common unhelpful thinking patterns
You may recognise some of the following.
All-or-nothing thinking
This involves seeing situations in extremes, with little room for anything in between.
“If I don't do this perfectly, I've failed.”
“Either I'm good at this or I'm terrible at it.”
Real life usually contains much more grey area.
You can make mistakes and still do something well. A difficult day doesn't mean the entire week has been a disaster.
A useful question is:
“What would the middle ground look like?”
Catastrophising
Catastrophising means jumping from a difficult situation to the worst possible outcome.
You make a mistake at work and think:
“My manager will think I'm incompetent. I'll lose my job.”
Your mind has travelled several steps into the future and treated the worst-case scenario as though it were already happening.
Try asking:
“What is the most likely outcome, rather than the worst possible one?”
Mind reading
Mind reading happens when we assume we know what another person is thinking.
“Everyone thinks I'm boring.”
“She thinks I handled that badly.”
“He hasn't replied because he's annoyed with me.”
Sometimes our interpretation may be correct.
But unless someone has told us what they think, we are still making an assumption.
Ask yourself:
“What evidence do I actually have about what this person is thinking?”
Fortune telling
This involves predicting what will happen and treating the prediction as certain.
“I know the interview will go badly.”
“There's no point going because I won't enjoy myself.”
“I'll never be able to cope with this.”
We naturally try to predict the future, particularly when we feel anxious.
But predictions aren't facts.
Ask:
“What else could happen?”
Overgeneralising
Overgeneralising means taking one experience and turning it into a broad conclusion.
One relationship ends and you think:
“Relationships never work for me.”
You don't get a job and think:
“Nobody will ever hire me.”
Words such as always, never, everyone and nothing can sometimes be clues that overgeneralising is happening.
Try asking:
“Am I drawing a general conclusion from one or a few experiences?”
Mental filtering
Mental filtering happens when we focus heavily on negative information while overlooking everything else.
Imagine giving a presentation to ten people.
Nine people respond positively.
One person seems unimpressed.
Which person do you think about on the way home?
Our attention can become fixed on the one negative detail until it feels representative of the entire experience.
Ask:
“What information am I leaving out?”
Discounting the positive
Sometimes we notice positive experiences but immediately explain them away.
“Anyone could have done that.”
“They were only being polite.”
“It wasn't really an achievement.”
If negative experiences are treated as meaningful while positive experiences are dismissed as irrelevant, our view of ourselves can gradually become distorted.
Try asking:
“If this happened to someone else, would I dismiss their achievement so quickly?”
Personalisation
Personalisation involves assuming responsibility for something that may have many explanations.
A friend seems quiet and you immediately wonder:
“What have I done?”
A project encounters problems and you think:
“This is all my fault.”
Taking responsibility when appropriate is healthy.
Taking responsibility for everything isn't.
Ask:
“What other factors may have contributed to this situation?”
Emotional reasoning
Emotional reasoning happens when we assume that because something feels true, it must be true.
“I feel incompetent, so I must be incompetent.”
“I feel unsafe, so something dangerous must be happening.”
“I feel guilty, therefore I must have done something wrong.”
Feelings are important information, but they aren't always evidence about external reality.
Try reminding yourself:
“This feeling is real, but what is the evidence for the conclusion I'm drawing from it?”
“Should” statements
We often carry rules about how we or other people should behave.
“I should be able to cope with this.”
“I shouldn't feel anxious.”
“I should always be productive.”
These rules can create unnecessary guilt, frustration and pressure.
Notice words such as should, must and ought to.
Then ask:
“Is this a useful expectation, or an unrealistic rule I'm placing on myself?”
How to catch an automatic thought
Automatic thoughts can happen so quickly that you notice the emotion before you notice the thought.
One way to identify them is to work backwards.
When you suddenly feel anxious, upset, angry or embarrassed, pause and ask:
“What just went through my mind?”
Then separate the situation from your interpretation.
For example:
Situation: My manager asked to speak with me tomorrow.
Automatic thought: I've done something wrong.
Feeling: Anxiety.
Alternative possibilities: They may want an update, have a question, want to discuss another project, or there may genuinely be an issue we need to discuss.
The aim isn't to replace:
“Something terrible will happen.”
with:
“Everything will definitely be wonderful.”
That would simply be another unsupported prediction.
The goal is to develop a more balanced interpretation.
Try examining the evidence
Once you have identified an unhelpful thought, imagine that you are investigating it rather than arguing with it.
Ask yourself:
What evidence supports this thought?
Then:
What evidence doesn't support it?
For example:
“I'm terrible at my job.”
Evidence supporting the thought might include a recent mistake.
But evidence against it might include successful projects, positive feedback, problems you have solved and years of experience.
A more balanced thought could be:
“I made a mistake with this task. I'm disappointed about it, but one mistake doesn't mean I'm bad at my job.”
Balanced thinking doesn't mean ignoring problems.
It means seeing the whole picture.
What would you say to someone else?
We often speak to ourselves in ways we would never speak to another person.
If you find yourself thinking:
“I'm useless. I can't believe I messed that up.”
Imagine that someone you care about made exactly the same mistake.
Would you call them useless?
Probably not.
You might say:
“You made a mistake. Work out what happened, fix what you can and learn from it.”
Try offering yourself the same combination of honesty and perspective.
Don't turn thinking patterns into another reason to criticise yourself
Once people learn about cognitive distortions, there can be a temptation to monitor every thought:
“I'm catastrophising again. Why do I always do this?”
That simply creates another layer of criticism.
Everyone has unhelpful thoughts.
Recognising them isn't about achieving perfectly rational thinking.
It is about becoming curious about what your mind is doing.
Instead of:
“Why am I thinking like this?”
try:
“That's an interesting conclusion my mind has reached. What else might be true?”
That small change creates space between you and the thought.
Practise noticing before challenging
You don't have to challenge every unhelpful thought you experience.
Start simply by noticing them.
You might keep a short note containing:
Situation → Thought → Feeling → Thinking pattern → More balanced thought
For example:
Situation: A friend hasn't replied to my message.
Thought: I've annoyed them.
Feeling: Anxious.
Pattern: Mind reading.
Balanced thought: I don't know why they haven't replied. There are many possible explanations, and I can wait before assuming something is wrong.
With practice, recognising these patterns can become easier.
A thought can feel convincing without being accurate
One of the most useful ideas in CBT is surprisingly simple:
Having a thought doesn't automatically make it true.
You don't need to suppress difficult thoughts or force yourself to think positively.
Instead, you can learn to notice them, examine the evidence and consider other possibilities.
The next time your mind tells you:
“I know exactly what this means.”
Try adding one small question:
“Is there another way of looking at this?”
Sometimes that question is enough to change what happens next.
This article provides general wellbeing information and is not intended to diagnose or treat a mental health condition. If difficult thoughts, anxiety or low mood are persistent or significantly affecting your everyday life, consider speaking with your GP or a qualified mental health professional.